How to Stop Overthinking and Start Attracting Peace in Relationships

Stop letting overthinking run the show. We unpack a practical framework to break mental loops by tuning into your intuition, processing past experiences that still live in your body, and normalizing the discomfort that comes with real change. You’ll hear why your gut often notices misalignment before your mind admits it, how clear communication prevents resentment from taking root, and what to do when you feel stuck repeating the same relationship patterns.

We walk through a simple approach to trusting your signals: speak the need twice with calm clarity, watch actions more than apologies, and treat discomfort as data rather than doom. From there, we dig into processing tools that actually move the needle—therapy as a structured mirror, support groups for belonging and reduced shame, and reflective reading that gives you language to label and release the weight you’ve carried. Expect actionable steps you can try this week, like journaling through a chapter, identifying one micro-boundary, and choosing a single conversation to reset expectations.

Growth will feel awkward because your nervous system equates “familiar” with “safe.” That’s not a red flag—it’s the sensation of rewiring. With repetition, your baseline updates, your standards rise, and people respond to the new you with more respect or clear misalignment—both are wins. If you want healthier relationships, stronger boundaries, and a calmer mind, this is your roadmap to breaking toxic cycles and rebuilding a more fulfilling life.

If this helped, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs a nudge to trust their gut. Got a question or story to share? Check the links to submit, book a session, or buy me a coffee, and let’s keep growing together.

Chapters

• 0:00 Why We Overthink
• 0:44 Meet Coach Duran & Support Links
• 1:13 Trusting Your Intuition
• 2:20 Communicate Needs Before Resentment
• 3:57 Unprocessed Trauma Weighs You Down
• 5:28 Three Ways to Process Pain
• 7:56 Why Growth Feels Uncomfortable
• 9:45 Choose Your Direction & Closing

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Hey, so in this video, we're going to talk about how you need to stop overthinking. Now, the reason I'm even covering this topic is because I recently had a conversation with one of my supporters, and we things went really deep. And ultimately we covered a we covered a variety of different topics, but ultimately what it comes down to is three different three three different things. Trusting your intuition, taking time to process, and why understanding why growing feels uncomfortable. I feel like this topic will resonate with a lot of people. You know, I've read my comments time and time again, and um it seems like people are stuck in the bat in the same cycle. They're doing the same thing, stuck in the same habits. So I'm going to dig into why that happens, why that is happening and why you can how you can hopefully get over that. If you're new to my channel, I'm Coach Duran. I help people break toxic cycles, rebuild themselves, and ultimately live a life that is more fulfilling. If anything that I say resonates with you, feel free to buy me a coffee. There's a link in the description below. Also, if you have a story to share, you have a question to ask me, you can find a link to that in the description. There's also links on my YouTube channel where it shows you how to book a meeting with me as well. So go ahead and check that out. But, anyways, let's get into it. So the first topic that we're going to cover is trusting your intuition. Now, one thing that she said that stood out during our call was that she couldn't understand if the feelings that she's having for this guy is it due to the fact that she hasn't processed old emotions or if it's her intuition telling her what to do. And ultimately, we decide that it's both is both things. It's very important that you learn to trust your body, trust your intuition. There's a reason why you're feeling that way. It's your body's way of telling you that something isn't right. And the stronger your relationship is with your intuition, the stronger your intuition will become over time. Now, before human beings developed spoken language, we communicated in a variety of different ways, specifically with facial expressions and just paying close attention to our environment. The fact that you feel this way lets you know that something isn't right. This person may have done something or said something that conflicts with your belief or value system, or it may have just been blatant disrespect. Whatever the case, when you feel this way, it's very important for you to communicate with your person. During our phone call, she expressed to me that she's doing all these different things for this guy. And this guy, he basically isn't investing the same way she's investing. And she's been growing resentment for this guy. And I asked her, have you communicated with him? And she said, No, I feel like these are things that he should know. But it doesn't work that way. We all grew up in different households. We've experienced our own traumas. We have our own life experiences that that break us down in one way, shape, or form. If you're dealing with somebody that actually is a good person, that actually cares about you, you have to give them the opportunity to be better. When you communicate your needs, it not only gives you the opportunity to grow and to mature, it gives your person the opportunity to grow and mature. You may not ultimately end up with this person, but practicing these habits, getting in the habit of communicating, communicating your needs is going to make you stronger in your next relationship. Something that feels unfamiliar today will become a weapon in the future. If something is bothering your relationship, I think it's important to at least communicate that what's bothering you, communicate that need at least twice. And then in some cases it's going to be people that you're in love with, people that you're married to. And if you're not willing to set that boundary, you're not willing to walk away, that person is not going to change. And if you stay in that situation, you're only going to get bitter. The resentment's only going to grow. Somebody that you once loved, you're going to hate. You guys may start sleeping in different bedrooms. You won't even recognize each other anymore. Another good point that she said that stands out is the processing. She felt that because she really didn't process past relationships before jumping into a new relationship, she thinks that some of those emotions from previous relationships or some of the trauma that she experienced is actually impacting her current relationship. And she's conscious enough to even know that. These experiences, the trauma that you experience in your life, they don't go anywhere. They actually stay stuck in your body. And over time, you'll feel like you'll feel heavy. You'll feel like your emotions are very low. You don't have energy to do the things that you used to do. And it's because of unprocessed trauma. One of the three common things that I see people do when they don't want to address something that traumatic that happened in their life, or they have they don't want to process. They'll either eat a lot more, they'll use food to cope. They'll use gossip women do this, they'll use guy friends to cope. They'll have a bunch of guy friends that they can use to distract them, or they'll jump into another relationship to help them feel better. And that may help you feel better temporarily. You know, um, sex and good communication with somebody new, it all feels good. But those feelings eventually they creep up and it grows because not only are you dealing with press past trauma, you're dealing with the trauma that you experienced within your current relationship. And then it just builds up. And before you know it, you don't even recognize yourself anymore. So there's three ways that I actually suggested that she can uh that she should process. One, that's meeting with the therapist. Believe it or not, just speaking to somebody, it helps you process emotions. It helps you get it out, it helps you think about what happened and to actually articulate it. Articulating that and speaking to somebody speaking about it to somebody else is gonna help you release energy that's been trapped in your body. Therapists don't actually have a magic wand that's gonna make you feel better. What they do is they ask you questions that help you process experiences. The second way to process is actually joining some kind of uh support group, some kind of self-improvement group. I'm not sure exactly what it's called, but for people who are dealing with some kind of addiction, that could be drug addiction, alcoholism, they're dealing with that. They usually join some kind of like support group. They join these groups because they're around people who are like-minded, who have made mistakes, who have done things when they were in that intoxicated state that they regret. And when they're around these people and they hear their stories, it makes them feel normal. They feel better about who they are, they like themselves a lot better. And that helps them slowly wane off of that addiction. And lastly, which is my favorite, is reading a book. Read a book that's associated with whatever you're feeling, whatever, whatever situation that's bothering you right now, read a book within that topic. And don't speed through the book. Don't get the audiobook. Read the book, read the chapter, read a paragraph, and then ask yourself, does this how does this relate to your to your current situation? What did you learn from this? How did you mess up? What things did your person do, or whatever your situation is dealing with, like what actually happened? When you slowly go through this process, slowly read these books, and you slowly you start putting pen to paper, you actually start releasing those emotions over time. When you can apply a label to how you're feeling, it helps you identify it. You build a relationship, you build a familiarity with that feeling. And once you're familiar with what that feeling is and why you're feeling that way, it helps you process and release those emotions. Over time, when you do something like this, it's going to make you feel lighter. You'll you'll you'll not only feel like the person you were before your relationship, you'll feel parts of yourself from your childhood even start to come back. That's because after you've experienced any kind of like breakup or something traumatic in your life, you're starting from an emotional ground zero and you're rebuilding yourself. But you can't rebuild yourself if you're still trapped by experiences from your past. And lastly, I want to talk about why growing feels uncomfortable. I can't remember word for word what she said, but she stated that why is it that when I'm in a bad state and then I know what I should do, I know I should walk away, or I should say this, but it's so hard for me to do it. Like, why does that happen? And I my answer was it's your nervous system. Your nervous system is used to you doing things a certain way, is used to feeling a certain way. So when you do something that's unfamiliar, your nervous system is just you're gonna feel it in your body. It's gonna feel uncomfortable because you're actually transforming into a new person, you're evolving, and evolution can be uncomfortable. And this is how it's gonna feel when you're rewiring your brain, when you're uh becoming a new person. You're developing new habits, and people can see that. When people see that there's a new you, they start to treat you differently because your actions are different. So you don't feel uncomfortable because you don't necessarily feel uncomfortable because what you're doing isn't right. You can feel very uncomfortable because your nervous system just isn't used to you doing things a certain way. You always have the choice to become somebody better. I know we've heard similar statements, or this can be a bit cliche, but it's the truth. You're always changing, you're always evolving, you're always growing. You just get to choose which direction you want to grow. Do you want to grow up or do you want to grow down? Life isn't supposed to be easy. Relationships aren't supposed to be easy. If they were, if they were supposed to be easy, they would be easy. But the reason we have these life experiences, the reason we go through these relationships, we go through these, um, we have our own journey, it's because we're so ultimately supposed to lead us into maturing and become the person we're supposed to be. You just have to be brave enough to take those steps, take that leap forward. You'll be surprised how much you can change if you just take action. In a matter of months, you can change a lot. You can re change your life, become a completely different person, get different outcomes, attract better people if you believe in the process. But, anyways, that's all I have for you today. Like, comment, subscribe. If anything, if I left anything out or um you don't agree with something, go ahead and just leave a comment. All right. But, anyways, thank you for watching. Peace.