Philosophy for Life
Welcome to the Philosophy for Life Podcast with Coach Darron Brown.
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Philosophy for Life
How To Heal From Heartbreak, THE RIGHT WAY
Hey, what's up guys? So today I have a very, a really good topic for you how to heal from heartbreak. This is something that we all have experienced or are going to experience at some point in time. I think this is gonna be a really helpful video for you guys. I'm going to discuss the bad things you can do after a breakup and the good things that you can do after a breakup, so let's get into it.
Speaker 1:If you're new to my channel, I'm Coach Jerron. I help people break toxic cycles, heal from trauma and ultimately become the type of person who can fulfill whatever it is they're trying to fulfill within their life. If anything that I say resonates with you, feel free to buy me a coffee. There's a link in the description below, and if you're watching my content, you already know I'm meeting with people, meeting with my subscribers. I'm hearing your stories, you're asking me questions and I love doing it. If you guys want to speak to me about anything, there's a link in the description to that as well. I look forward to speaking meeting with you. Description to that as well. I look forward to speaking meeting with you.
Speaker 1:But anyways, there's about five different steps that you should take after a breakup. I have my notes next to me, so I'm going to be referencing those. So the very first thing that you should do after a breakup on day one is to not reach out to them. You know how it feels before the relationship ends. You feel the distance between you and your partner. Part of you probably try to do things to make the relationship work. But when somebody wants to walk away from you, when they've made the decision that my life will be better without you in it, the most respectful thing you should do for yourself and for them is to give them what they want. Give them that distance, give them that space, give them the breakup, because not only are you showing giving them respect, you're showing self-respect. This is easier said than done. When you have a strong connection with someone, it's natural to want to cling on to that relationship.
Speaker 1:Mother Nature actually made us this way. It's in our DNA to find someone that we can attach to. Think about it. How many people in your life have you actually fell in love with? Most people can count on one hand one or two people in your lifetime. If you're lucky, you'll find somebody that you can deeply connect with on a biological level. So when that connection is under threat, it's something within our DNA that makes us want to preserve that relationship, to save that relationship. I did some research and it said that the reason Mother Nature has made it made us this way is that we were so dependent on our tribe for thousands and thousands of years. We're so dependent on our loved ones. So then when we lost somebody in our tribe, there was a good chance that our tribe would be under threat, because we needed the numbers for survival and we basically needed each other.
Speaker 1:So a lot of the symptoms that you're going to experience during the breakup are the same survival symptoms that you had for prehistoric reasons, such as not being able to sleep After a breakup like. Your sleep is all messed up, your head isn't working right, you have separation anxiety. Some people have a loss of energy. Some people they gain more energy of energy. Some people gain more energy, and the reason that this happened to us biologically is that the chemicals within us are changing. Mother Nature is telling us do whatever you need to do to save this person. You don't have to eat, you don't have to sleep. You're going to go days without the day-to-day natural foods and things that you would need to survive just so that you can get this person. Because, as I stated, we're made for each other. We're supposed to.
Speaker 1:Breakups aren't normal. We weren't created to actually separate from somebody that we attach to. So Mother Nature, the reason you can't sleep, the reason your appetite is all messed up, the reason your energy levels have changed, is because Mother Nature has made you that way so that you can actually have the resources that you need to actually go out there and to find and get this person back. But we're not living in that time anymore. So when somebody decides that they want you out of their life, the number one thing you need to do is not reach out to them. The number one thing you need to do is not reach out to them. And the next thing that I have on my list is don't invest your time into distractions.
Speaker 1:Now, at the beginning of the relationship I mean at the end of the relationship it's very normal for both people to invest their time into distractions. So what do these distractions look like? In some cases, you'll jump right into another relationship. Sometimes, especially with men, they'll indulge into intimate physical relationships with multiple different women. Maybe women do the same thing as well. It's pretty common for people to start drinking excessively, getting involved with drugs and things like that, or even one of the another thing that women tend to do is investing time and energy into a lot of guy friends.
Speaker 1:Now, the reason you don't want to do this is because distractions, they prevent you from actually processing the breakup. They prevent you from grieving the breakup because you can't sleep in your body, your mind's not working right. You're stressed out, you're overthinking, always thinking about this person. Your body is. It doesn't respond to food. Well, you have these body aches. Your appetite is off, your sleep is off. You want to do anything that you can do to not feel the way that you're feeling in this current position. So what you're going to do is you're going to invest your time into a lot more distractions, and these things don't help. What they do is they prolong the grieving that you're going to experience within that after that breakup.
Speaker 1:Grief is something that's very painful to experience. It's a. It comes and goes in waves, but it's necessary. When you distract yourself, you might find yourself in a year-long depression, two-year-long depression, or some people never recover after a breakup and it's because they invest into distractions, they jump into relationships, they have friendships with men who are romantically interested in them, that they're not interested in, but they're just using them as a coping mechanism. They build up negative, toxic habits during that breakup, after that breakup. So one of the worst things you can do, and a lot of things that most people do, is they invest their time into distractions.
Speaker 1:Now, next on my list for number three is take time to grieve the relationship and process. So I touched on grieving a little bit and grieving is a very if you've never experienced this before, you know. I remember before I experienced my first really hard breakup, I had breakups and I kind of just got over it really really fast. Most of my breakups happened that way and I didn't really understand or know what love really was until I, until I found somebody I had a really strong connection with. And once you go through that and you have that grieving process, it's like you collapse mentally. You're not the you're not the same person you were before. You don't know what's wrong with you and you need some kind of help. You need somebody to talk to, which is why people they try to distract themselves with the wrong people. You should find somebody during your grieving process that you can speak to a friend a good friend that you know won't speak to anybody else, or a therapist, or you can jump on the call with me, you know, and get it out your system.
Speaker 1:But speaking about the breakup, it actually helps you process the breakup. It allows energy to to leave you. For example, a lot of reasons that people are depressed for long periods of time is because they never process those emotions, those, those emotions, those feelings, that experience is still trapped within them. But when you speak about it, depressed for long periods of time is because they never process those emotions, those emotions, those feelings, that experience is still trapped within them. But when you speak about it, you're slowly releasing that negative energy out of your body. All that pain is slowly leaving your body. It's a slow process but over a period of months, maybe even years, because you're processing, you'll be able to recover and actually become a better person than you were during that relationship. But yes, during your grieving process you have to communicate, find somebody that you feel comfortable communicating with. Also, journaling Journaling is a very good thing. I thought it was overrated.
Speaker 1:But when you're dealing with something, you're processing these emotions. It's nice to put pen to paper. Put pen to paper, write, write. Don't type like write down how you're feeling that day. Start naming your emotions, whatever kind of way you're feeling during that day, because you'll have flashbacks about the relationship, things that you did wrong, things that they did wrong. Maybe they took you for granted, maybe there are red flags you didn't see. But, most importantly, pay attention to the things that you could have did better.
Speaker 1:You know, whatever you're feeling in that moment, name that emotion, name it, put it down on paper and then just write, write, express what that emotion means, why you're feeling this way and some, in some cases you're going to get really, whether you're dealing with anger, sadness, you're going to. You need to be honest with how you're feeling in that emotion. I mean within that moment, because it's going to help you release whatever it is that's holding you back and the process and processing that breakup. When you're processing the breakup, this actually helps you become raised to the next level of whoever it is that you're supposed to become. You know, we we learn the most about ourselves within a relationship, no-transcript and if you process this breakup, it's gonna help you build a better relationship with yourself and it's gonna change the way that you select and vet people. But if you don't process, I promise you you're gonna walk around in fear. You're going to do whatever kind of insecurity that you're dealing with. Maybe that's you're afraid of being alone, so you're clinging and jumping to relationships too fast. Or you're afraid of being hurt, so you don't. You protect yourself. You never open up to another person, you know. But processing it helps you.
Speaker 1:Heal is detach. A lot of people have a hard time letting go of someone that they once shared a life with, someone that they envisioned a future with. They had all these goals, these ideas, these places they were going to, visit conversations. They never had things they wish that they did together and it's hard to let that go. Detachment is usually the last thing that happens after the breakup process. It's because who you were, your identity, was tied to that relationship and you don't know who you are outside of that relationship and you have a fear that if you let go of this person you may never see them again, you may never hear from them again and it's a loss and humans we don't like experiencing any kind of loss, but detachment if you do want to have a chance to get that person back in a healthy way because that relationship is over. It ended for whatever reason. And if you guys were to revisit the relationship, you have to detach from that old dynamic and if you guys do actually connect down the road, you create a completely different dynamic. Detachment is healthy for both people.
Speaker 1:Being an independent person, being able to take care of your life, is attractive, for whatever reason. People like knowing that their person is going to excel and be great, with or without them. It raises your value. Detaching. Also it helps you leave a painful state and step into something a lot greater the fear of detaching from a relationship. It will keep you. You'll always think about this person. When you really love somebody, you never completely forget about them, which is normal. But detaching is basically saying, hey, I'm going to put myself first. I love you, I didn't want this to happen, but I have to take care of me. And once you start taking care of you, that's when things typically start to get better. Your life gets better. You meet somebody new or you might even reconnect with the person down the road. And for step five it's something that you really should be doing through all steps is investing your time into your self-improvement.
Speaker 1:A lot of people don't get better after breakups. They crash, they cycle. They repeat the same patterns throughout every relationship and it's because they don't ever. They're not processing that breakup, they're not spending enough time alone, they're quick to jump into relationships or they build up bad habits, like getting into drugs and alcohol, things like that. The number one thing you could do for yourself is invest into your self-improvement. When you can't sleep, when you have a ridiculous amount of energy, when you're thinking about this person obsessively, invest into your self-improvement. Put more energy into your body. Go to the gym more often. You know sweat. Stop listening, like what I do now. I don't even listen to music when I go to the gym. I just pay attention. I'm in the moment. I'm paying attention to my breathing. You know you really have to zone in on becoming a better person. Invest time into self-improvement. We've all done things that we wish we didn't do in the relationship or said things we wish we shouldn't have said. Read books that are going to help you improve your bad person, your bad characteristics, your bad personality traits.
Speaker 1:A mistake that a lot of people make is that they consistently point the finger at their partner. I think that, well, I think it was all their fault. I think they did this. Or I think I ask people what do you? Well, how can you get better? I think I just need to pay attention better to their red flags. Nothing, nothing. You have to take accountability and responsibility for where you are in your life. You have to make a decision that you're going to make better decisions in the future. You're going to choose better people. You're going to be a better person.
Speaker 1:Detox from any kind of negativity on the internet. There's a lot of negativity on the internet that are. You know, we have left versus right, women versus men, this race versus that race. Detach, detox from all of that stuff. Only follow channels that are actually going to lift your spirit. It's going to help you become the person you ultimately want to be. It's going to give you energy in your life.
Speaker 1:I'm putting together and this is like a few months down the road, but I'm going to put together a support group in this program I'm building. It's going to be a support group for healing. You know we can share our stories. There's going to be also work that we're going to be doing on a weekly basis to help with the healing process and also help you become a better version of yourself. That's something I have coming down the road, but I think that surrounding yourself around people who are positive and want the same outcomes in their life, it goes a long way. It's going to change the way that you think. But yeah, this is the end of the video. Hopefully that you found this helpful. Like comment, subscribe, hit the notification bell and I'll catch you next time. Thank you for watching Peace.
