Philosophy for Life
Welcome to the Philosophy for Life Podcast with Coach Darron Brown.
This is where mindset meets motivation — and where pain, purpose, and power all collide. Whether you're healing from heartbreak, battling inner demons, or pushing through a season of self-doubt, this podcast is for you.
Each episode dives deep into the real struggles of life — from toxic relationships to personal discipline, from mental resilience to emotional healing. No fluff. Just raw truth, hard-earned wisdom, and the mindset tools you need to level up.
If you’re ready to build a stronger mind, protect your energy, and live a life rooted in purpose, you’re in the right place.
Let’s work.
Let’s grow.
Let’s win.
Philosophy for Life
Childhood Wounds in Adult Relationships
Have you ever been in love with someone who made you feel small, unseen, like no matter what you did? It was never enough, and you told yourself it was a part of love, that relationships are supposed to hurt sometimes. But what if I told you that pain has nothing to do with them. It has everything to do with your childhood and what you were missing. Hi, I'm Coach Deron. I help people heal from emotional wounds, break toxic habits and rebuild themselves from the inside out. If anything that I share is of value, feel free to buy me a coffee. There's a link in the description below. Also, I'm meeting with 50 of my subscribers. The purpose of meeting with you is to hear your story so that I can create content that truly resonates with my audience. If you're interested in meeting with me and speaking one-on-one, there's a link in the description to that as well. Anyways, let's get into it. Let's talk about why love keeps hurting and how to stop repeating the past. In this podcast, we're going to break it down to four different sections. First, we're going to discuss what you didn't get growing up. Next, the pain as a familiar pattern. Three, trauma repetition. And lastly, how to rewrite this Now.
Speaker 1:Many of us didn't grow up with emotional safety. Maybe our parents were busy all the time and when they did spend time with us, they were emotionally checked out. Or maybe love was based off performance how good were your grades, how well behaved were you, how quiet could you be, how well you took care of others and put their needs before your own. So either you grew up feeling invisible or being too much. Either way, it's dangerous. That's the kind of love that you earn by shrinking yourself. Dr Gabor Marte said, when we're children and our needs aren't met, we don't stop loving our parents, we stop loving ourselves and whether you're conscious of it or not, there's patterns that you had in your childhood that shows up in your adulthood and those patterns they linger into your relationships. You feel like maybe if I just give enough, they'll like me more, Maybe if I just do more, I'll be able to get the things that I want out of them and eventually they'll give me love. But we all know from a personal experience that that's not the way things work Now, because pain was a part of our emotional experience growing up.
Speaker 1:It's something that we seek. We seek that dynamic in our own personal relationships, and all of this is happening unconsciously. You find yourself being attracted to someone who cannot fulfill your needs. Rather than finding someone who's healthy for you, who fully sees you, you find someone that makes you feel invisible, that makes you feel like you have to keep giving in order to receive love, that you have to be perfect to be perfect. These are the type of people who keep you guessing that you never feel completely stable in that relationship and they break you down into pieces. But here's the catch You're not unfixable. The reason that this is happening is because your nervous system is triggering you and gravitating you towards this kind of person, which makes you feel like home. It makes you feel comfortable. Within that dynamic, you might tell yourself, you might even believe that you're actually chasing love, that this is what love is supposed to feel like. But you're not chasing love. You're chasing what's familiar with you.
Speaker 1:A study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that individuals who emotionally avoid caregivers are 53% more likely to seek out emotionally unavailable partners as adults. It's not weakness, it's wiring. This is what psychologists call repetition compulsion. Your mind replays a tape of your childhood, hoping that the outcome will become different. You choose partners who remind you of emotionally distant or critical parents. As I stated earlier, as a child you don't think there's anything wrong with your parents If you're not receiving that love. You think there's something wrong with you. You think that you need to do more. You need to give more. You're not perfect. Something's wrong with you and if you can just do more, you'll get the love that you've always been seeking. Now you don't seek these types of partners because you just enjoy pain. You seek these types of partners because you feel like eventually, one day, if I just give enough, they'll give me an ounce of love or give me the love that I'm actually seeking, and then I'll feel healed, I'll feel like I was enough. But you can't fix the past through someone new. That's not their burden. This is healing that has to happen within you. You have to feel like you're good enough before you can find a partner that's good enough for you.
Speaker 1:Here's a quote from Alice Miller the way we were treated as children is the way we treat ourselves as adults. Until you unlearn this pattern, you'll keep calling pain love. Now here are three ways in how you can rewire your mind. One recognize the pattern, Don't romanticize it. The push-pull, the unpredictability, it's not chemistry, it's a wound. Two choose safety. Learn to be attracted to consistency, not intensity. Three validate yourself Journal. Speak to your inner child, Reassure them, you're already enough. You don't have to learn love by suffering.
Speaker 1:Neuroscience research shows that self-validation practices such as mirror work and affirmations reduce emotional reactivity over time by strengthening the prefrontal cortex, that's your emotional regulation center. That means the more you practice calm, the more you start craving peace over chaos. Love shouldn't make you feel like you have to prove yourself. Love shouldn't make you feel like you're an emotional survival If it hurts more than it heals. That's not love. That's a pattern. To know love, we have to invest time and commit. Dreaming that love will save us, solve all of our problems or provide a steady state of bliss only keeps us stuck in a wishful fantasy. Real love starts when you stop chasing people who feel like the past. You start chasing people who feel like home, Like comment, subscribe and I'll catch you next time. Peace.
