Philosophy for Life
Welcome to the Philosophy for Life Podcast with Coach Darron Brown.
This is where mindset meets motivation — and where pain, purpose, and power all collide. Whether you're healing from heartbreak, battling inner demons, or pushing through a season of self-doubt, this podcast is for you.
Each episode dives deep into the real struggles of life — from toxic relationships to personal discipline, from mental resilience to emotional healing. No fluff. Just raw truth, hard-earned wisdom, and the mindset tools you need to level up.
If you’re ready to build a stronger mind, protect your energy, and live a life rooted in purpose, you’re in the right place.
Let’s work.
Let’s grow.
Let’s win.
Philosophy for Life
Loving People Who Don't Love You Back
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Apple Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/philosophy-for-life/id1701125735
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Description
In this episode, Coach Darron breaks down the real reason you stay stuck on people who don’t choose you. It’s deeper than heartbreak—it’s childhood trauma, unmet emotional needs, and patterns you’ve normalized. If you’ve ever found yourself chasing someone who’s emotionally unavailable, checking their page, or hoping they’ll change, this conversation is for you.
You’ll learn how emotional obsession is not love—it’s anxiety. You’ll uncover the link between your past and your present relationships, and most importantly, you’ll learn how to heal. Coach Darron walks you through 3 powerful steps to break the cycle: identifying emotional triggers, journaling to release pain, and cutting off what feeds the obsession.
I'm Coach Darron Brown, a self-improvement coach, and I run the Philosophy for Life podcast. Here, I'm just sharing fitness and life advice.
Join me on this journey.
#selfimprovement #selfdevelopment #coach
Hi, I'm Coach Deron. I'm a self-improvement coach who helps people heal from trauma, break unhealthy relationship patterns and learn how to love themselves again. If anything that I say resonates with you, feel free to buy me a coffee. There's a link in the description below. Also, I'm looking to meet with 50 of my subscribers. The purpose of meeting with you is to learn about your journey and to create content that truly helps you. If you're interested in speaking to me one-on-one, there's a link in the description below.
Speaker 1:So in this podcast we're going to talk about why you obsess over people who don't love you back. Have you ever found yourself stuck on someone who barely gives you the time of day? Do you check their social media, overanalyzing everything, just hoping that one day they'll come back to you and see your worth? See the reason you obsess over someone who's not emotionally available to you. See, it all comes down to your childhood. You're used to not getting your needs met. You're used to giving more than you actually get and at some point in time this became your normal. We build toxic, unnecessary emotional ties with people who are emotionally unavailable to us, and the more they pull back, the harder we chase. These patterns that show up in your relationships are patterns that you learned in your childhood. Maybe you had a lot of siblings, maybe your parents worked a lot. Whatever it was, they weren't emotionally available to you. So you learned over time that your needs weren't important. When you spoke, no one listened. When you cried, no one cared. So in your childhood, your parents are responsible for you, but in your adulthood, your adult life you're responsible for yourself. So at some point in time you have to break that habit. Instead of looking for love outside of yourself, you have to learn how to love and respect yourself better. Because once you love and respect who you are, you want to learn how to love and respect yourself better. Because once you love and respect who you are, you want to allow somebody to come into your life to break your boundaries, to disrespect you and treat you any kind of way. And on a deep level, you're afraid to love. You're afraid to be truly vulnerable with someone, which is why you choose these toxic partners in the first place.
Speaker 1:People show you who they are within the first year of the relationship, and because you're so used to giving, you're investing so much into this person that you convince yourself that they're the one. And when you do that, you make it difficult for the right person to find. You See, that's not chasing love, that's chasing validation. The same validation that your parents didn't give you in your childhood is the same validation you're looking for in your romantic relationships. That validation should come from within and the respect should come from whoever you're seeing in that moment. And once that validation comes from within, then you demand respect from the person that you're seeing.
Speaker 1:This doesn't only show up in our romantic relationships. This also shows up in our family relationships. We become self-sacrificing, believing that if we just give more and more of ourselves, that eventually things will change and these people will treat us better, respect us and love us more. There's a term for this that's called emotional obsession. Obsession isn't love. When your mind is fixated on someone, believing that if you tried harder, eventually they'll love you back. It feels very intense, but it's rooted in anxiety, not love. And you may believe that you're in love, you may believe that that was your person, but really that person was, was somebody just made you anxious, made you feel unsafe within that relationship. Because of your anxiety, you felt like you had to give more of who you were to make sure that that relationship was successful.
Speaker 1:I want to talk a little bit more about the root cause. I mentioned how a lot of these habits come from your childhood. Maybe you had a parent who wasn't emotionally available, so you sought after partners who created that same dynamic. They weren't emotionally available to you either. You find yourself craving people who are out of reach. It's not random. You're just chasing people from what you didn't get at home.
Speaker 1:Healing starts with taking responsibility. Whatever you're dealing with, maybe you're with somebody for a number of years and they cheated on you. Maybe you are with someone who was never available. Maybe you are the side, the woman on the side. Whatever it is, you created that dynamic. You indirectly taught this person that they didn't have to show up for you to keep you. Believe it or not, we teach people how to treat us for you to keep you. Believe it or not, we teach people how to treat us.
Speaker 1:So why do we hold on to these relationships? We hold on because we're scared. You're afraid that if you set those boundaries, that they'll walk away and you'll believe that you're not good enough. It's an internal belief that if you can get them to choose you, you'll finally feel like you matter. And here's the truth. They are not the proof that you matter. You are. You have to believe that you matter before anybody else believes that you matter. It's more than just saying it. You have to act like it, you have to resonate it, you have to speak it. So here's how you heal the pattern.
Speaker 1:Step one identify your emotional triggers. You have to ask yourself when do I feel most desperate? When do you feel the most insecure? Replay the conversations that took place. What was said? What actually triggered you? What did their actions show? It is important for you to identify what happened in a relationship that made you feel uncomfortable. Go ahead and write it out and, once you've identified that feeling, go ahead and name it. Name that feeling that you felt within that moment, whether that be anxiety, depression, pain, anger. Jot that down because by identifying that emotion, it will help you lower your anxiety and help you build a stronger relationship with yourself. These emotions won't completely go away, but you will learn to handle them better and the power that they have over you will become less over time, and that's the goal. You don't want your emotions to govern how you live your life or govern your relationships. It's okay with feeling, whatever way you're going to feel, but not allowing that feeling to take over.
Speaker 1:Number two journal. Now, some people find this corny, but journaling it actually allows you to get out your emotions. Sometimes you don't have the ability to speak to the person that hurt you. Maybe your parents aren't here anymore, maybe the person that you were in a relationship, they blocked you or whatever. There's no way for you to have that in-person communication. You may not feel comfortable having that communication.
Speaker 1:So when you journal, it gives you the opportunity to collect your thoughts, collect your emotions and put everything down on paper. It may not feel like it's helping, but I promise you it does. When you journal, you're creating a healthy way to process emotions. You're going to reduce stress and it's going to help you enhance your self-awareness. It may not feel that way right away, but once you get in the habit of expressing your emotions, putting your thoughts to paper, you'll feel weight leaving your body. You'll feel the stress leaving your body. You'll feel more like your true self because by writing down these thoughts, it's going to help you process those emotions, it's going to help you build a better relationship with those emotions and ultimately, it's going to help you become a better version of yourself. It's going to help you gain clarity, it's going to help you identify patterns and it's going to help you develop healthy coping strategies.
Speaker 1:And the third step is cutting off things that feed your obsession. That means cutting off social media. That means getting rid of pictures. You don't have to delete them, but put them somewhere safe. That means you stop reading text messages and overanalyzing. You need to detox yourself from this relationship. Detox yourself from this person, because this is going to, as you're healing reminders of this person is only going to pull you back. If you have children with this person, limit the interaction that you have with them, period. If you have to hand your kids off, hand your kids off, keep the conversation short and just go back home. So just remember this obsession isn't love. It's unhealed pain. When you let go, you're not giving up, you're choosing peace and, most importantly, you're choosing your self-respect.
